John Shep
May 14, 2026, 6 a.m.
People often ask why I run, and while every path is different, mine is deeply rooted in my identity as a person in recovery from disordered eating and a mental health crisis.
Nineteen years ago, I hit my absolute rock bottom at the Ottawa Race Weekend, working as a sports-marketing project manager. I was battling a mental health crisis, a restrictive eating disorder, and an Oxycontin addiction. My body wasn't a tool for movement; it was a tool for control and a way to avoid the world. After collapsing at the pre-race expo, I finally checked into an inpatient mental health ward and began the long, messy, and beautiful journey of recovery. That was my finish line in 2007.
In May 2026, I am returning to Ottawa to reclaim the finish line. But I’m not just running the Ottawa marathon. I’m attempting the Outrun the Darkness ultra-double on May 23-24: the Sulphur Springs 100k Trail Race in Ancaster, Ontario, followed the next day by the Ottawa Marathon (42.4km).
Why this run? The ultra-double 142.2km journey is a celebration of 19 years of choosing to live, choosing to eat, and choosing to be seen.
Why running at all? Nineteen years ago, I was not a runner. I found running as a way to reframe my body. Anyone who has suffered or knows someone who has suffered with an eating disorder knows that it is not solely about weight, but about how you think about your weight. Running shows me that I do not have to use my weight or food to control. I can use my body to move, to enjoy movement and the mental health benefits that come from it. For almost twenty years, I’ve navigated a darkness composed of anxiety, perfectionism, and orthorexia - a journey that did more than just emaciate my body; it chipped away at my ability to trust myself. This lack of self-trust bled into every facet of my life, making me doubt my career, my relationships, and even my own hunger. With running, I can trust myself again.
Running forces me to embrace uncertainty and reconnect with my actual feelings. When I run, I am in tune with my body, with my breath, with my surroundings, with my energy, with my mind, giving me perspective and mindfulness. It helps me continue to recover, continue to learn to be an expert in me.
Running also means that I cannot do this underfueled. I must choose to eat so that I can run, so that I can live, because I no longer want to restrict and disappear. Food is fuel, food is power for my mind, body and soul.
Just like I cannot live this life of recovery alone, I cannot do this alone. Supported by my found family and the running community, we are filming a documentary (to be released in the Fall) around the 142.2km ultra-double to show that recovery is possible together.
Follow @outrunthedarkness to see behind-the-scenes training, recovery insights, and live updates from the Ultra-Double on May 23-24, 2026.
John Shep is an Ontario-based ultrarunner, teacher and host of the Athletics Ontario Running Podcast, where he shares the stories of Ontario's road and trail runners, giving a voice to underrepresented members of the running community. An Athletics Ontario Media Award recipient and their Lead Ambassador, he has completed numerous 100-mile races and is a third-generation figure in the athletics community.
His current project is called Outrun the Darkness, an initiative celebrating his 19-year journey of recovery from a mental health crisis and disordered eating while raising awareness through a documentary to ensure no one is alone in the dark.
