“Are you coming out tomorrow night with us?”

“I don’t think so, I have to go to the gym tomorrow night. Tomorrow is hams and quads”.

“Really? You’re ditching us again for a workout? We went to the gym this morning. You never come out anymore”.

I am a competitive runner and a personal trainer. Health and fitness is my work, a huge part of my life and something that brings me joy, but it has not always been so. When I first became competitive I devoted my entire life to exercise, cutting weight, nutrition knowledge, and eventually an obsession with body perfection that led me down the path of an eating disorder. My exercise regime and eating disorder behaviours came before my work, my social life and most importantly, before my mental and physical health.

Now, several years later, I have found balance. My training is no longer compulsive: Now, it’s invigorating. My gym-time is about me trying new things and learning about what it is I can do with my body. It’s about me spending some time with my physical self, and respecting it.

Unfortunately we are only now entering a time where eating disorders are acknowledged as not only a women’s issue, but as affecting men as well. What is even less recognized for all genders is exercise compulsion, which can be part of an eating disorder, or a problem in itself. Much of the fitness industry promotes itself with images of bodybuilders and fitness models.  Every gym has it’s own “weight loss” program advertised at its front step. Key words such as “slim down, bulk up, tone” are bolded in just about every workout pamphlet. This only helps to add pressure to look a certain way. Admittedly, I work in this industry helping many people in ways that result in gaining or losing weight (amongst other things), but I focus on shifting people’s goals away from aesthetics, towards goals of health, activity, or sport benefits. I believe it is important to find your balance when it comes to physical activity. The question is  - – what is “balanced”?

What makes exercise compulsion hard to recognize is that exercise is positively associated with health and self-discipline – a highly valourised characteristic in our society. Generally, when someone starts going to a gym or exploring different modes of exercise it is seen as a positive change to their lifestyle, and for most people it is. The problem is that compulsive exercisers, whose exercise regimes are harmful, can be hidden in plain sight for a long period of time. In my opinion, we cross the line into compulsive exercising when it begins to compromise different aspects of our health. Excessive exercise can lead to many different health complications such as stress fractures, an abnormally low heart rate, amenorrhea, osteopenia, chronic fatigue, etc. People with a compulsion to exercise will often put their workouts before all else in their life, and when unable to do so will often experience anxiety, anger, sadness or any number of negative emotions.

If you feel that you may be compulsively exercising, take the time to ask yourself a few questions. How do you feel when you miss a workout? Are you exercising when advised not to by a professional? Do you exercise when you are ill or injured?

Ask yourself, “Is my exercise is adding to, or taking away from other aspects of my life?” If you think that your exercise regime is a problem, there are ways to both keep being active and find balance with other aspects of your life.  And people who can help.

Exercise has the ability to add a lot to a person’s life, but it is important that many other things do as well.

Eating Disorders Awareness Week (EDAW) – a singular time of the year set aside to enhance public knowledge about eating disorders, dieting and body image problems.

In its public awareness campaign, the National Eating Disorder Information Centre (NEDIC) establishes numerous objectives to pursue during this commemorative week. This invitation to promote awareness calls for some imagination and creativity along with a caveat to “do no harm” in our educational endeavours.

Over the past number of years, Homewood Health Centre and the Wellington-Dufferin-Guelph Eating Disorders Coalition have excitedly taken on the challenge to promote EDAW.  If you visit Homewood during the first week in February, you will notice Eating Disorders Program patients and staff sporting NEDIC’s “No Diet” buttons. Hallway bulletin boards throughout the hospital are adorned with the current NEDIC posters, along with postings of community EDAW events. Awareness activities such as “No Fat Talk!” may also be displayed. EDAW events are publicized through the hospital’s Intranet in addition to the external website. Hospital staff rounds are dedicated to presenting a topic related to EDAW.

This year, beliefs and motivations for physical activity and the current focus on activity that supports weight loss or weight maintenance, rather than pleasure, relaxation and balanced health will be explored by both a recreation therapist and a community-based therapist.

“Faces of Recovery” is one of the most popular and powerful Guelph EDAW event. Over the past nine years, the Coalition has invited guest speakers to share their respective recoveries, highlighting their motivation to get well, their treatment support systems, ways to which obstacles to recovery were overcome and their own personal definitions of recovery.

A recent Globe and Mail article by Eric Anderssen (January 14, 2012) reported on a study of 9,000 Canadian newspaper articles on mental health. The most surprising finding was the “lack of voices in those stories.” In fact, 84 per cent of those articles did not include any comments from those with lived experience!

A sentinel purpose of Faces of Recovery is to encourage the voices of eating disorder survivors themselves and family members, by providing a forum to tell their own stories, in their own words, without censorship or judgment. Panelists have provided the Coalition with the feedback that participating in this EDAW event has “helped reduce the shame and stigma of having an eating disorder,” has been “a tremendously cathartic experience” and has served as a “way of giving back.” An upcoming speaker recently emailed the Coalition stating “I can’t wait to have my voice back.”

Audience members expressed appreciation for the opportunity to learn more about the impact of eating disorders, the courage and authenticity of the speakers, the varied avenues recovery can take and perhaps, most importantly, that “recovery is possible!”

Homewood and the University of Guelph, in conjunction with the rest of the Coalition, have focused providing a venue for exploring a wide range of topics, such as an insider’s perspective on having an eating disorder and the recovery process, with author Jenni Schaefer; the Health At Every Size movement, and media and advocacy with award-winning author and activist Shari Graydon.

On campus, students have been welcomed to the annual Eating Disorders and Body Image Exposé fair, plays, films including “Do I Look Fat?” and “Girls Rock,” fashion shows and guest speakers.

Eating Disorders Awareness Week – sounds like a “good thing!” Could there possibly be any downside to it? Perhaps the fact that only one week alone is dedicated annually to such an important and all-encompassing agenda. Perhaps, too, that this week occurs in the very heart of winter with the threat of storms that could impair event attendance.

Now, there is International No Diet Day celebrated in the glorious month of May. Looks like founder Mary Evans Young had the right idea!

When I was a little girl, my Christmas wish list did not consist of the stereotypical trappings of the young female mind.  There was no Barbie Dream House, no little ponies (real or otherwise).  Instead I craved luxury: a fur coat, a leather skirt, caramel suede Frye boots, identical to my oh-so-stylish mother’s – all symbols of womanhood in my young mind.

I’m not sure how I developed a propensity for such largesse; I grew up in a so-called rough part of town, my mother struggling to make ends meet on her bank teller’s salary.  Yes she was stylish, and I spent many mornings admiring her deft hand tying a silk scarf just so, or applying mousse to her impossibly glossy black hair – but I knew these were her only little luxuries, as she stretched her paychecks to accommodate rent, food, childcare.

I was approached by a modeling agency at 14, and all of a sudden my trip to the mall became a flurry of butterflies from my stomach to my brain.  This gorgeous stranger thought I was beautiful?  Me?  With my glasses and bug eyes, my frizzy hair and the dot at the tip of my nose?  I was beyond flattered, but suspicious all the same, not used to receiving attention for my looks.

You see, in stark opposition to the Western values of thinness as ideal or desirable, I come from a culture where perfection, beauty and femininity are embodied by an abundance of flesh and soft curves – both of which I was sorely lacking.

I devoured my monthly subscription to ‘Flare’ or ‘Fashion’ because I could relate to those waif-like figures more than I could to my own fuller-figured female relatives.  Modeling validated my culturally non-desirable body type, and it exposed me to a world of fantasy and escape the mundane realities of my quotidian existence.

Because of my height and my ‘look’ (read: non-commercial viability – I was a model of colour after all) my work consisted mostly of runway shows and the occasional avant-garde photo shoot.  At 14, I was too young to understand the political and cultural implications of this, and perhaps the glamour and attention helped further gloss over the fact that I was not getting nearly as much work as my white counterparts. I grew up in the fashion industry, both literally and figuratively, as it is an industry that forces most of its underage workers to take on adult personas for adult paychecks.

As I grew and learned to apply a critical eye to my surroundings, certain realties became painfully obvious.  On set, I was usually the only model of colour, which typecast me as some exotic other.  While the other girls paraded out in monochromatic looks that oozed effortless class and simplicity, I was often given the headdress, the suit constructed entirely of mink and leather, the Cleopatra-inspired makeup.  Casting directors and stylists touted my unconventional look as uber-desirable and cutting edge; a white girl dipped in chocolate.  Casual racism was so common it barely warranted a fed up side-eye from me, but I could see how it broke my mother’s heart; she was my companion and protector at every shoot and show.

At one of my last auditions, after I had walked for a casting agent, she asked if I would ever consider changing my nose.  Changing my nose?  What did that even mean?  I was told it was “too ethnic”.  Newsflash: I’m ETHNIC!!!  I mean, aren’t we all, to some extent?  I read this comment as what it was, a not-so-veiled attempt to let me know I was too dark, too exotic, too “other” – my whole and natural self would never be good enough for this industry, and with that in mind I quit.  My sense of corporal validation was long gone, replaced by an all-too-familiar and nagging shame over my glaring difference and ethnicity.

My life in fashion was bittersweet.  It was a dream come true for the little girl in me who craved a life of grownup excess, a chance to parade around in high heels and makeup.  As a teenager, it satisfied my sense of rebellion, giving me my first taste of champagne and cigarettes, and allowed me to feel the power I could seemingly command with a bare shoulder or a smoky eye.  As an adult, I look back on these experiences with mixed emotions; my early life was so completely directed by my appearance – I was literally paid to be thin and pretty – that it’s sometimes hard to separate myself from that way of thinking.

The new children’s book, Maggie Goes on a Diet (Kramer, 2011), has received negative press for its blatant promotion of dieting, in addition to suggesting that weight-loss among kids can lead to increased popularity and athleticism. While the content of Kramer’s book may send a potentially dangerous message, the controversy surrounding its publication has lead to a positive outcome: parents and teachers are finally asking themselves, “what lessons are books teaching our children?”

Picture books are one of the first forms of media children are exposed to and, whether we like it or not, they offer strong messages about gender. Countless studies suggest that children’s books depict female characters in a passive light, portraying them as individuals who don’t speak their minds and avoid physical activity (Weitzman, Eifler, Hokada, & Ross, 1972; Kortenhaus & Demarest, 1993; Foster, 2010).  In today’s popular picture books, female characters are commonly illustrated participating in stereotypically feminine activities, like playing dress-up, baking, and dancing.

Not only do picture books dictate how girls should behave, but they also propose how they should look. In their texts, those that identify female characters as beautiful most commonly depict them as white-skinned, large-eyed, and thin (Foster, 2010). Furthermore, in their 2003 study, Baker-Sperry and Grauerholz found that beauty is often a central theme in children’s fairytales, and these stories often assert that looking a certain way will win you the prince, get you out of the slums, and take you to happily ever after.

Flip through your daughter’s favourite bedtime story and you’ll see that the beautiful female characters are frequently adorned in dresses, bright colors, and feminine accessories (e.g., tutus, tiaras, and bows).  Popular children’s books, such as Fancy Nancy (O’Connor, 2006), teach young girls to focus on appearance-related factors – like accessorizing to enhance an outfit – rather than teaching girls it’s not their looks that matter but their unique personalities and accomplishments.

So what should be done to change this?

Rather than abiding by these socially constructed roles, books should encourage young readers to break away from these constricting and stereotypical boundaries, which are too commonly placed upon them. Female readers need to see images of girls getting messy, immersing themselves in sport, catching frogs, and playing freely, which is a rare sight in today’s writing.

With such limited definitions of beauty in children’s literature, it’s no surprise that girls as young as three express a preference for thinness, a fear of fat, and a desire to change aspects of their appearance (Harringer , Calogero, Witherington, & Smith, 2010; Hayes & Tantleff-Dunn, 2011).

While the media is only one factor influencing today’s children, its power shouldn’t be ignored.  I encourage you to take a closer look at the picture books you read to your children and critically assess its contents by asking,

What gender and beauty-based stereotypes are present?

Do these books show limited opportunities for female characters?

Remember, you can engage children in meaningful discussions that focus on gender and beauty representations in their favorite books.  Providing them with the skills to challenge stereotypes is one step toward enhancing a child’s self-esteem, which is essential to the development of a positive body image.

Jingling bells, hanging holly and Hannukah candles.

Cinnamon and clove scents.

My Aunt Elma’s hearty laugh and kind ways.

These sensations are some of what the holiday season brings, and I anticipate with pleasure the well-known traditions of the season.

Even the commercial aspects, done in planned bursts, can be fun, from scouting out the year’s best music CD for my sister, to conferring with the cute guy at the liquor store about the best-priced bottle of red for my uncle.

Not quite so much fun is plotting how to deal with the well-meaning enquiries of how I am.

It’s been some years since I was first treated for an eating disorder.  The first few holiday seasons were miserable.  I was miserable.  My folks were miserable. Everyone at every ‘do-with-food’ was uncomfortable.  You know the drill: Holiday events are taut with tension, with everyone walking on eggshell around you.

As the holidays neared, I would become increasingly anxious. My coping strategy was to eat less and run more, which calmed me for a nanosecond but didn’t solve my anxiety about the holidays.

And then I met Julie.  Julie understood.  And even better, Julie had been there, done that and burned the T-shirt.  Julie guided me and helped me find ways to either circumvent potentially difficult times or to deal with the goodhearted probing of how I am.

And how I am depends very much on how I plan.  And plan I do, thanks to Julie.  I use Benjamin Franklin’s maxim that ‘by failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.’

So, in the spirit of the season, I share Julie’s Top Three Tips for coping with the holidays:

1. Plan
2. Plan
3. Plan

And, I also share Julie’s second Top Three Tips for coping with the holidays:

1. Practice
2. Practice
3. Practice

“Plan and practice, how novel ” I hear you say with a touch of sarcasm.  But truly, these tips have helped me survive – even on occasion thrive – over the holiday period.  I plan what – and how much – I want to do; who I want to see; how to extricate myself from individuals with whom I feel uncomfortable or who behave insensitively to me.  I’ve planned who to call if I need soothing or encouragement or just to vent; what personally pleasurable things I will do in-between family events – - it’s amazing what free events and activities are available if one looks around the community.

And odd as it has felt, I’ve stood in front of my bathroom mirror and practiced saying out loud, “I deserve… I can cope… and … I have done well….” I’m quite specific about each thing.

I take each social occasion as a new opportunity to practice my strategies – including remaining true to my eating plan and breaking out of self-isolation.  Sometimes I feel I can proudly fly with my comebacks, and sometimes I feel like the Grim Reaper scything my way through the ordeal.  But that’s life: for all of us, regardless of whether we have an eating disorder or not.  I genuinely don’t know anyone for whom the holiday period is stress and conflict free.

So, since I seem addicted to quotes, here is another new favourite courtesy of another statesman, Disraeli: “I am prepared for the worst, but hope for the best.”

Wishing you your healthiest and happiest holiday season,

Lee Rehm

Check out NEDIC’s article on coping with the holidays here.