I Am Not Hungry - Part Two

In the year 2000 I was accepted into the Emergency Medical Technician program at SIAST in my hometown of Regina, SK. This is when I met one of the most inspiring and encouraging human beings of my life (my primary instructor for the program and now good friend, Heather). I don’t think to this day I have ever explained to her that it was her class and her presence in my life that caused a shift in my very way of thinking. She never told me I was “too skinny” or weak to do the job required working in the ambulance; in fact quite the opposite, she instilled in me the belief that I was capable of absolutely anything. Around this time I began to meet with a school counsellor and I finally started to recognize the signs and symptoms of my disease, and the mechanisms of coping that existed within myself. I was finally beginning to understand exactly what control over my life really meant. It was a rebirth, a renaissance of my body, mind and soul.

Now 13 years later, I am a healthier individual and a happier person. I relate the struggles with anorexia to that of any addictive pattern of behaviour (e.g., alcoholism, drug abuse, etc). I believe it is a disease, something you live with every day of your life, but the keys lie in recognition and education. Some days I still feel the old nag in the back of my skull, but I have learned over the years healthier ways to cope and manage these feelings. Every day is a new day, every morning a bright and shining opportunity. I am grateful for my struggle and hope I can inspire even one person out there to seek help and become aware of the incredible potential they hold within.

I wrote a poem regarding my struggle with anorexia a number of years ago and would like to share:

I’m Not Hungry

Tired and irritable
In pain from the cravings
But I refuse to give in

Flashing, skipping thoughts
Spaces in my memory, confusion
Product of a starving brain

My whole body betrays me
And I feel so selfish
I feel no control

But I am the master of my own
They cannot make me
I stand strong… yet feel so weak

The weight is building
And the hatred takes hold
I glare at the mirror with frantic rage

Then the sadness sets in
I feel so small, yet never small enough
I close my eyes and pray ‘no more’

- Greggory Poitras then

  - Greggory Poitras now

Greggory Poitras is a 35 year old Metis Canadian living in Calgary, AB. Greggory is a freelance photographer, respiratory therapy student, medic, foodie, and Jeopardy geek wannabe.