Recovery

Sh*t People Say

“You look healthy.”

         I heard this often when I first recovered from anorexia nervosa, and it sent my head whirling with thoughts such as: “What do they mean? How bad did I look before?  Am I too healthy?” A simple, seemingly positive remark made me feel confused and irrational. I knew people were trying to make me feel good, tell me in their own ways that they were relieved I had changed my life for the better, but it was hard to accept my changing body; never mind what others thought.

Dear 2005 Me

 

Dear 2005 Me,

I have been fighting anorexia for more than 10 years. It was getting to the point where I thought anorexia was going to be present for the rest of my life.  If you are where I was, fighting and falling and wanting to give up, have hope. Recovery is possible.

 

That Girl Could Have Been Me

I don’t think that one can ever be fully prepared for working in the  field of eating disorder awareness and support. Having a strong background in mental health, addictions and crisis work, I thought that working as a placement student at NEDIC would be similar. However, nothing could have prepared me for the learning that was ahead. In particular, an invaluable lesson that I learned during my time with NEDIC is the importance of practicing self-care.

Where the Magic Happens

Believe it or not, the first time I saw this image above was on an episode of Girls on HBO. It’s a great show and, for sure, one of my not-so-guilty pleasures. I can't recall the exact scenario for how it came up but I remember the main character, played by Lena Dunham, sitting in some sort of job interview and seeing a poster with "Where the magic happens" in a big circle with a much smaller circle off to the side which was labeled, "Your comfort zone."  I recall from that episode how Dunham's character just sat there and stared at the poster on the wall, contemplating the meaning.

When Being "You" Is Not Enough

As a graduate student entering my final year of post-secondary education, I have finally come to accept that it’s okay to not be perfect, not please everyone, and to ask for “me” time without feeling guilty. It took over eight years of battling my inner critic and an eating disorder recovery program to come to this realization.

Gaining a New Perspective

In Western society, the idea of gaining weight is often viewed as the ultimate sin. We associate weight gain with failure, while we view weight loss as a sign of strength. For me, I wanted to get smaller, because I craved acceptance, even though it was acceptance from a superficial place.

 

Book of Hope - Our Shared Story

 

When it finally hit my how sick our daughter was, I almost collapsed. We had just come home from a doctor’s appointment (the second in eight days) and it was suddenly crystal clear how rapid and uncontrolled her weight loss was… By the time I got home, I was shaking uncontrollably, my lips were numb, I couldn’t feel my fingertips and I wasn’t sure if my legs would carry me up the steps.”

Self-Love: The Revolution

As someone who has struggled with body acceptance for a large portion of my life, self-love  is  a revolutionary concept. When you are told so often and so frequently that who you are and what you look like is: ugly, less than, or not good enough, then telling yourself that you ARE beautiful, that you ARE worth something, that you ARE good enough, is a rebellious act.

The Taboo of Relapse

 

It was 2pm on a Tuesday, and there I was – crying, naked on my bathroom floor. I’d been there for hours, trapped in my own mind. The day had started off simply enough with me getting out of bed and getting ready to work when the inevitable, “Feed me breakfast!” battle cry rumbled loudly from my stomach.

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