Recovery

"Just Eat More"

               

            If I had a dollar for every time I heard the words “Just Eat More” thrown at me- well, I might not quite be a millionaire, but I’d certainly have a lump sum saved for a rainy day. Those words would come from all sorts of people around me - my parents (initially), my friends, and the people I’d come to meet routinely at the gym when I told them about my eating concerns. Time and time again, I would be ‘advised’ to simply order more, or to grab an extra piece; or worst of all, a friend at a dinner party would do it for me and give me this look of victory, as if they had accomplished some sort of dignifying act of intervention. Thanks, but it doesn’t quite work like that.

The Last Stronghold: Exercise Addiction

One of my eating disorder’s last “strongholds” was exercise addiction.

But truthfully, I’m not sure if exercise addiction is the right word. You see, I was “working out” 3 times a week, and certainly not in a way that outsiders would see as excessive. But it was the thoughts and motivation behind exercise that called it into question.

The Final Entry

For a decade, time consisted of psychologists, psychiatrists, and hospital admissions; one after another. I was slowly losing the battle, but not fully.  A decade of illness finally took its toll on me. I was slowly sinking into a deeper and deeper depression, and feeling real emotions for the first time; especially hurt and anger. 

Cleaning Up and Creating Space

I decided last week to clean out my bedroom and give it a bit of a Spring makeover. I believe it is great to switch things up every once in a while; especially after you mark a new season, as it generally is a time for new beginnings!

I did not imagine that cleaning my room would take as long as it did, but once I started, I began digging up quite a lot of things. Who knew that my moderate-sized bedroom could hold so much stuff? An abundance of papers, photos, schoolwork from elementary school, clothing, old toys...oh yes, you name it! My bedroom essentially was a time capsule of everything that had happened in my life up until now.

Empty Bellies Do Not Beget Genius

Originally posted on GalaDarling

This is a subject I am very, very passionate about. If you were expecting to be coddled on the subject, you’re out of luck. This is tough love, because we need it.

In today’s society, we often feel so much pressure to look a particular way. This isn’t news. But what IS news is that the wave has broken. People are starting to push back. From Coco Rocha and Doutzen Kroes speaking out publicly about the size of models, to Jessica Simpson’s series The Price of Beauty, women in positions of power or influence — and women who are often looked up to as body or beauty ideals — are finding a voice. A voice which says, “ENOUGH!”

What If Body Acceptance Doesn't Work? How About Body Neutrality?

I see a life coach.

The funny thing is, I call her my life coach when I’m doing well. I call her my therapist when I’m doing not-so-well. Because really, she’s one in the same.

According to her — and the firm for which she works — the difference between a therapist and a life coach is just that: where you are in life. If we were looking at a scale that goes from -10 to 10, a therapist would be there for you if you were on the negative side of zero, helping you to reach a healthier, more neutral place. If you’re already there, though, a life coach helps you improve that position, moving you up the scale into more happiness and life satisfaction.

A Worthwhile Journey

 

It didn’t start out as an eating disorder. If you had asked me back then, I would have never admitted to having one. I was a collegiate athlete, studying health…there was no way I would allow something so terrible to ravage my body. I needed my body, and so did my teammates.

Beauty Found in Broken Pieces

You learn to live a life half alive. Merely existing amongst the living. Entrenched within your own mind, spinning a weave of angst and uncertainty. Making more problems for yourself than there really are. Wandering, unaware of the beauty that surrounds you, kind words being spoken to you and how your body is shouting within to notice the damage you are causing. It’s breaking, and you don’t care. This place is dark and blurry and the only thing that comes to mind daily is “When is all this pain going to end?”

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