Recovery

For The Love of Digestion

                                                              Image Credit: UnSplash

Trigger Warning: this blog contains discussion of disordered eating behaviour, read at your own descretion. 

I’m going to be writing about poop and digestion. Ugh. Right? I thought you needed fair warning.

One of the benefits of recovery from an eating disorder is being able to answer the call of nature. It sounds simple, and it is, but for someone with a history of an eating disorder, digestion is complex and life changing. For many years, and still today, my internal pipes are quite stubborn. They are angry, erratic, loose, retentive, and just plain impossible. That said, since committing to recovery, my digestion rewards me with more success than disappointment.

CBT and Me

                                           

"If we think we ‘cannot’ or ‘do not’ deserve something then I can promise you, we will not put our energy into making it happen. As, we already are starting from a place of defeat."

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Forgiveness is For Giving

                                                                Image Credit: Provded by Ailey Jolie.

My road to recovery from disordered eating hasn't been linear. During my process, there were several periods of time where I physically appeared 'stable' to my friends and family. However inside my mind lived a monster of nemesis thinking. These times, when physically recovered from the detrimental consequences, were some of the toughest times to navigate because I hadn't reached an emotional equilibrium or addressed any of the deeper seeded emotions that caused me to seek comfort in depriving myself of nutrients. 

Perfection is a Fiction

                                                            Image Credit: UnSplash

Throughout my life, I have struggled with perfectionism. 

The clothing in my closet had to be organized and arranged in a systematic and precise way, divided by colours, texture, and seasons. The books on my shelves had to be sorted by author, subject and year. I would spend hours shaping my external environment to be meticulously spotless. 

Breakdowns Eventually Pave the Way for Breakthroughs

                                 

                                                        Image Credit: Delia Xenophontos

Too many people suffering from mental illness feel alone, embarrassed, and guilty because of the stigma attached to it. In honour of World Mental Health Day, I’m sharing my story to remind all those suffering that it’s okay not to be okay. 

I Walk with ED

                               

How do I gain control? How do I make my world stop spinning?  I stopped eating.  I learned that I could control what went into my body and what came out.  It was the first time in my life I felt like I had something that I owned, something that was all mine.

On this week's blog, an annonymous blogger tells her story of how ED took over her life, and how she learned how to tell the eating disorder voice to SHUT UP! 

Voices

                                

                                                                   Image Credit

This piece was originally submitted to The Dialouge Projects on June 29th 2016.

Although I have struggled with mental illness for a long time now, sharing my story and just generally talking about my struggle with mental illness has always been something I’ve been really ashamed of and a part of my life I have always wanted to hide. But now, I have finally found the courage to share my story.

How far do I go back? How far do I need to go back?

                                  

                                                       Photo Credit: Dave Martyn

TRIGGER WARNING: the following material may be triggering for some individuals - please read with caution.

It was like walking into shadows for all those years, at first I fought it, wrestled with it, then let myself sink deeper down and gave into all those urges and destructions that ran through me. My entire life feels like one big waiting game. Waiting for death; waiting for life to begin; waiting for help; waiting for people to leave me alone; waiting to be saved.

My Road to Recovery - Anything but a Straight Line

 

                                        

 

TRIGGER WARNING: the following material may be triggering for some individuals - please read with caution.

Over the past four years I have been admitted to treatment six times, had my parents bail me out of jail four times, ruined countless relationships, and lost faith in myself. Not only have I been in a decade long battle with anorexia, I also developed an addiction to alcohol in my early twenties.

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