My instinct when asked about my eating disorder is to mystify my “heroic journey” to recovery. Through snarky and impactful commentary, I often simplify the root of my mental disorder to avoid difficult questions. However, a key yet disregarded, element to my story is that for a very long time, I didn’t want to be a woman.
I’ve received treatment more times than I care to count, for a larger array of issues than I care to admit, namely for anorexia nervosa in a variety of settings, inpatient, residential, outpatient, psychiatry wards and medical wards.
TRIGGER WARNING: the following material may be triggering for some individuals - please read with caution.
I’m no expert on body image. Nor have I suffered from an eating disorder. I’m just a man antagonized by body image issues all my life.
Along the way, I learned some life lessons. I hope those suffering as I do will find them useful.
As children we learned about “good” food and “bad” food. We still use language that includes words like “healthy” and “junk” and “crap” and “bad.” We were told what to eat and what not to eat. Moreover, the multibillion dollar diet industry has given us a vocabulary around food and eating that focuses on shame, blame, and deprivation.
"None of my actions were a choice - they were an illness, a coping mechanism that allowed me to disguise my insecurities, pain, trauma, self-hate, and complete belief that I was not enough, that I would never be enough."
Image Credit: UnSplash
Originally posted on Ravishly.
Frequently, I get messages from people – usually cis men who are dating cis women, but not always – asking me what the hell they’re supposed to do when their partner talks negatively about their own body.
“She’s unhappily gained weight since we’ve been together, and I know saying ‘I still think you’re beautiful’ confirms the idea that fat is bad,” they say.
"Even though it can feel overwhelming and nearly impossible to live in this diet obsessed world, it is important to keep in mind there are ways to make it happen and put your recovery first."
On today's blog, Kelsi discusses how how to navigate eating disorder recovery in a diet obsessed world! Happy Eating Disorder Awareness Week!
I recently broke someone’s heart.
It wasn’t like an indie movie or a John Green book; there were no “wronged parties”. It was a long-term relationship with a partner that I still care about, but I knew deep down that I had been lying about the inevitable for too long.